February 3

February 3, 2014

While I was researching domestic violence statistics here at the facility, I came across a very interesting article regarding homes with guns. If there is a gun in a home than the risk of being killed by your intimate partner is eight times greater than homes without guns.

This statistic in of itself shows how much more dangerous a domestic violence incident becomes if the abuser is a law enforcement. Not only are the guns in the homes but the law enforcement partners are trained on how to use it and get away with it.

Although federal law bans anyone convicted of domestic violence from owning firearms, many perpetrators are still able to access them because of the lack of enforcement of state and federal laws. This is a frightening fact for me and my family.

I am a Grandma!!!!

1/30/14

I am so excited! I became a grandma on January 28 at 8:44 PM. Little Jesse weighs lbs., 3 oz.’s.

Being a grandma is so special and I am blessed that my daughter is doing well and so was the baby. Congratulations to Jennifer, Jesse, and the new little man, Jesse!! God is good!!

January 27

1/27/14

I hope everyone enjoyed their week. I have gone to the law library here at Albion to do some research. I have found out statistics that are very alarming.

How do you think it would feel if you found out you were sleeping with enemy? That’s what happened to me and it happens to 1 out of 3 women in the United States. Almost 1 of 2 women have experienced some psychological abuse, such as humiliation, name-calling, insults, etc., and one out of six women have been stalked by their intimate partner. This does not happen overnight, it sneaks up slowly. In the past five years, the number of victims seeking help has risen while the attacks have become ever more brutal.

Is your partner a present or future abuser? Here are some signs to look for:

1.       constantly checking up on you
2.       isolation by criticizing your friends
3.       putting a wedge between you and your family
4.       acting overly charming and false
5.       monitoring your social media accounts or any other social aspect of your life
6.       moving too fast and the relationship
7.       wine to control all the finances
8.       repeatedly putting you and your appearance down
9.       calling you names and otherwise generally insulting you
10.   not valuing your opinions
11.   always blaming you for what is wrong in the house or the relationship

Please trust your instincts! 99% of the time if he makes you uncomfortable or you notice the size, he is in fact an abuser. Seek help to get out of the relationship. The abuser is not always a man and victim is not always a woman. If you see yourself in this type of environment, you need to seek help before it is too late. 

January 20, 2014 entry

1/20/14

As I sit here in Albion, I am reflecting on the people that have passed through my life. Some just smiled and others have led an ear to listen. But all have a special place in my life. Although there are approximately 1400 inmates here at my facility, I am lonely and I feel sad.

I miss my children so much. I want to be present when my grandson is borne which will be a less than a month. I believe that God has a plan for me and I must be patient while his plan plays out. I am doing the best I can. I have moved into my own room, actually a cell, this past week. I enjoy the quiet alone time but it is a weird sensation when the officer bolts the door closed every night at 11 PM.

They opened it again during morning count at approximately 5:45 AM. It is lonely and eerie! Thanks to everyone for their support and for signing the petition. I would appreciate any help you can give to  pass the word on about the petition to get as many signatures as possible

January 13

January 13, 2014

I hope everyone is doing well. I am trying to send my blog every week to Mario Vredenburg of the New York State prisoner assistance center so he can update the website. Since last week, I have done a radio interview with Mona Rivera of 1010WINS and Kirstin Cole from WPIX11 New York City station travel to see me as well. Both of these women sat through my trial with my family and me along with so many of my friends and supporters.

I am thankful for them. They say that God put certain people in your life for specific reasons and I am so lucky to have so many of these special people. People that believe in me and want the best for me. I have even met some new people since being incarcerated that have suffered difficult lives and circumstances but still have kind words to share.

God is good. I can never think all of you for support but I can tell you that you are and always will be in my prayers.

Barbara

January 10

January 7, 2014

Hello everyone, another week has gone by. Today is 0° with the wind chill between -25° to -40° so there are not many outside activities, needless to say. Since I surrendered to Riker Island on June 21, 2012 more than six months have passed.  I think back on those six months so often and realize all that I have missed. My niece’s sweet 16, my aunt’s 75^th birthday, my dad’s birthday on August 17, my mom’s birthday on September 13, a cousin’s wedding, Thanksgiving, my son’s birthday on December 19, a baby shower for my daughter, Christmas eve and Christmas day, New Year’s Eve, and of course, New Year’s Day. More than 182 days that I can never get back.

I suffered for 18 years in an abusive marriage and then waited more than 3 ½ years for trial and I am still suffering almost 6 years after this tragedy I feel that this is never going to end. But then I think of all the good. Two great children with wonderful spouses, a great family support system and friends I cannot thank you enough.

I have my health and I no longer lead to look over my shoulder or cringe waiting for the next attack by a man that I thought love me. Life is okay and God is good.

Barbara

12/30/13

12/30/13

I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and a happy new year. Mine was blessed but also very sad. My daughter and son-in-law came to visit from California, which made it a very special. My son and daughter-in-law came a few days after which was also very special and it made me very happy to have two visits in one week. I have been very lucky to have regular visitors. My children, my parents, my sister, brother-in-law, and many other family members and friends have done their best.

Nevertheless, being so far away from home it is very expensive and time-consuming for visits for everyone. I know that everyone wishes that they could come more often and so do I. It is always so sad when visitors leave. It is hard to be up here so far away from everyone all alone.

I have spoken to many women incarcerated with me since I have been here at Albion on who have been charged with similar offenses or even far worse offenses and they are routinely released far quicker than I will be. Many women who are repeat felons who committed crimes worse than mine, have received lesser sentences. This simply does not make any sense to me.

It is disheartening to think that my judge imposed a five-year sentence with 2 ½ years of post-release supervision upon me, a first-time offender, who was found to be justified a jury trial for her actions, simply so the judge could make a point to the public. The public is not serving my sentence.

I am fully aware though that things could be far worse and I continue to pray for the countless others who are in abusive domestic violence relationships. I pray that they have the courage and strength to know that they deserve better and to seek help before it is too late.

I hope that all your dreams come true in 2014 and I would like to wish a happy new year to everyone who has supported me for all of these years.

Barbara